|Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. - Steve Bluestone|
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Short Funny Clean Blonde Jokes
Did you hear about the blonde who studied for her blood test and still failed it?
And did you hear about the blonde who tripped over her cordless phone?
Why aren't blondes hired for elevator jobs?
Because they can't remember the route.
Did you hear about the blonde who almost killed her toy poodle?
She tried to insert batteries.
A senior in college took his blonde girlfriend to a football game. As the game started, he said, "Watch the guy wearing number 15. I expect him to be our best man next year."
"Oh, Honey," she said. "That's such a cleaver way to propose. I accept!"
Did you hear about the blonde who locked herself in the car?
This blonde went to the pizza place and ordered a pizza. The pizza guy asked her if she wanted it cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Oh, six,” she said. “I could never eat twelve pieces.”
During her company's periodic password audit, a blond employee was found to be using this password:
When she was asked why she had such a long password, she said, "The boss said that my password had to be at least eight characters long and have at least one capital."
Did you hear about the blonde who plugged her power strip back into itself to save electricity?
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
When a blonde working at the local Taco Bell was asked to put minimal lettuce on an order she replied, "I'm sorry, we only have iceberg."
A blonde was asked what the capital of California was. “That’s easy,” she said. “It’s C.”
What do you get when you put seven blondes in a freezer?
A blonde was driving down the highway when she read a sign saying, "Clean Restrooms Next 10 Miles." She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 restrooms to clean.
While waiting at a cross walk for the light to change, a blonde asked why the signal was buzzing. When she was told that it was to let blind people know when the light was red, she replied, "What in the world are blind people doing driving?"
Did you hear about the blonde who called the county to have the Deer Crossing sign removed from her road? It seems that too many deer were being hit by cars.
How do you know a blond has been in your office?
There is white-out on your computer screen.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
Did you hear about the blonde who returned a scarf to the store because it was too tight?
Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.
What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes at a four way stop.
What did the blonde do when she missed the 44 bus?
She took the 22 bus twice instead.
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
To remind themselves that toes go in first.
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look, Daddy ... doughnut seeds."
Did you hear about the blonde who was all excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months? The box said, “2-4 years.”
What does Dr. McCoy from Star Trek say before performing brain surgery on a blonde?
Space: The Final Frontier.
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why couldn’t the blonde call 911?
Because there’s no 11 on the phone.
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned at spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong."
Why did the blonde steal the police car?
She saw the "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice?
Because it said "concentrate."
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who is the oldest?
The blonde, because she's 18.
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
How to trouble a blonde:
Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool!!!
Why did the blonde tell her Pastor under no circumstances would she have more than three children?
Because she heard that 1 out of 4 children born in the world is Chinese.
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
The power went out for 5 hours leaving twelve blondes stranded on their way to the second floor on the escalator.
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